1.) Cloud 9
Overall Record: 7-1
Divisional Record: 3-1
Total Points Scored: 757.32
Position Last Week: 1
Notes: Luther Burden has three straight top WR20 finishes including his third touchdown of the season in Week 8. The return of Brock Purdy and Chris Olave from their bye weeks will also be a huge boost to this team’s firepower.
2.) Matt Attack
Overall Record: 6-2
Divisional Record: 4-0
Total Points Scored: 764.7
Position Last Week: 2
Notes: The Buccaneers won an interesting game in a rainstorm where they threw the ball just three times. This meant a big day on the ground for Bucky Irving who has shot up to RB11 on the season after two great back to back weeks.
3.) Bruce Almighty’s
Overall Record: 5-3
Divisional Record: 3-1
Total Points Scored: 715.74
Position Last Week: 4
Notes: Bruce gained a game in a tight divisional race with a strong statement win that gives him the head to head tiebreaker over Goal Post Malone. JSN has top 10 WR finishes in seven out of eight weeks this season, including three WR1 overall performances.
4.) Goal Post Malone
Overall Record: 5-3
Divisional Record: 3-1
Total Points Scored: 643.24
Position Last Week: 3
Notes: The inconsistencies of the Rams is hurting Stafford’s value and this team’s overall ceiling. Jonathan Taylor finished with negative points in a huge blowout loss.
5.) Game of Zones
Overall Record: 6-2
Divisional Record: 3-1
Total Points Scored: 763.12
Position Last Week: 5
Notes: This was an incredible spot start for Kirk Cousins who finished with four total touchdowns. With Jeremiyah Love landing on the IR, Tyler Allgeier immediately becomes a high end RB2 going forward.
6.) Isla Sorna Raptors
Overall Record: 5-3
Divisional Record: 3-1
Total Points Scored: 568.4
Position Last Week: 6
Notes: Derrick Henry’s value without Lamar Jackson and Tyler Huntley, potentially both for the season, is starting to become a concern. For a team that is already trying to overcome the obstacle of losing Achane, they can’t afford any more bad breaks.
7.) Da Moon’s HUGE Craters
Overall Record: 4-4
Divisional Record: 2-2
Total Points Scored: 732.18
Position Last Week: 7
Notes: This marks the fifth consecutive week this team has been slotted into the number seven spot. Chuba Hubbard very quietly is the RB12 on the season and remains an underrated workhorse back.
8.) NinerMania
Overall Record: 4-4
Divisional Record: 1-3
Total Points Scored: 626.9
Position Last Week: 10
Notes: Welcome back to fourth quarter Bo Nix, who I’m being told is statistically the most clutch quarterback in NFL history. If Matthew Golden can fix his horrendous drop issues, he is receiving enough targets to be a legit top 5 WR rest of season.
9.) Uur UPS
Overall Record: 3-5
Divisional Record: 2-2
Total Points Scored: 593.38
Position Last Week: 13
Notes: It was a Monday night miracle for UPS who saw Caleb Williams, Cairos Santos and the revamped Bears defense take down the vaunted Seattle Seahawks. Bijan Robinson has been held out of the endzone for four consecutive weeks and is due for a big game.
10.) Elk Grove Spartans
Overall Record: 3-5
Divisional Record: 1-3
Total Points Scored: 671.34
Position Last Week: 8
Notes: Horrible injury luck for the Spartans who lost their star QB after just a single play on offense. They will be welcoming back a lot of stars on offense from bye weeks including Malik Nabers, CMC and Kittle and the newly acquired CJ Stroud via trade.
11.) SLAM BALL 2K26
Overall Record: 3-5
Divisional Record: 1-3
Total Points Scored: 666.54
Position Last Week: 14
Notes: Watching Saquon Barkley get a touchdown on the first drive and then do pilates on the sideline for two hours after that has been one hell of a ride.
12.) Jedi Knights
Overall Record: 3-5
Divisional Record: 1-3
Total Points Scored: 644.22
Position Last Week: 9
Notes: Josh Jacobs’ efficiency has been abysmal with how bad the Packers run game has been, but he is still a steady bet to score a touchdown on any given week. It was an atypical bad game for Drake London playing in a monsoon and Tyler Warren who is watching his team get auctioned off at a yard sale.
13.) Doctor Jenious
Overall Record: 2-5
Divisional Record: 1-3
Total Points Scored: 491.86
Position Last Week: 13
Notes: Bhayshul Tuten is starting to become an underrated rock solid RB1 on a team that is flying under the radar, the 5-2 Jacksonville Jaguars. Outside of that, this team is being decimated by injuries at the wide receiver position.
14.) Moore on the Run
Overall Record: 3-5
Divisional Record: 1-3
Total Points Scored: 550.48
Position Last Week: 11
Notes: The QB carousel goes around and around and it looks like Tanner McKee is the latest to exit the ride with Shake Milton waiting his turn. It’s hard to imagine a team with Jaylen Warren, Christian Watson, Ja’Marr Chase and the resurgent Colston Loveland is performing this poorly.
15.) Philippines Garbage Dumps
Overall Record: 2-6
Divisional Record: 1-3
Total Points Scored: 590.86
Position Last Week: 15
Notes: Joe Burrow had a sensational five touchdown game, despite throwing three bad interceptions all to the same player. It’s being reported that Breece Hall will return back to action in Week 9.
16.) Mahomies’ Deezflated Nuts
Overall Record: 2-6
Divisional Record: 2-2
Total Points Scored: 620.1
Position Last Week: 12
Notes: Losing the head to head to the PGD lands the Nuts in the final spot in the power rankings this week. Jordan Love has been playing out of his mind and has become a legitimate MVP candidate.
—
Weekly High Scorers
Week 1: Uur UPS, 117.96 points
Week 2: Game of Zones, 157.88 points
Week 3: Cloud9, 122.48 points
Week 4: Elk Grove Spartans, 114.58 points
Week 5: Matt Attack, 125.78 points
Week 6: Doctor Jenious, 117.00 points
Week 7: Da Moon’s Huge Craters, 100.42 points
Week 8: SLAM BALL 2K26, 121.96 points
Total Winnings
Uur UPS: $20
Game of Zones: $20
Cloud9: $20
Spartans: $20
Matt Attack: $20
Doctor Jenious: $20
Da Moon’s HUGE Craters: $20
SLAM BALL 2K26: $20
